Free To Live
by Liesl Alexander
My testimony tells how I was
Obsessed by death...
Kept in a locked room...
Repeatedly attempting suicide...
Certified as severely mentally ill...
Attacked by other patients...
Addicted to drugs...
Then God stepped in.
I had been in the mental hospital for some time. Locked away and certified as mentally ill.
Some strangers were let into the locked area of the hospital, together with the security. I had no ideal where they came from? They wanted to pray with me. Why me? an atheist?I felt very out of place, inside me there was inexpressible turmoil, but in the room I was in there was a new feeling- a feeling of peace.
But I couldn't fit it together, I could not work out what these people were saying. They were talking very calmly about Jesus, and about Jesus having the power to heal. I could not take all the words in, they were an invasion into my isolation.
They stood around me, one had a hand on my head another on my shoulder, and then just spoke a simple sentence. "Lord Jesus, please heal this girls mind" They were talking to God. It was all very new and strange.
I wondered what they would say next?
I heard a click in my head, they heard it too, I don't know if the security did though. Something in me was being moved towards an encounter with light. I was face to face with light.
I was being healed within it. I knew it to be creative and positive, loving and so peaceful. Totally the opposite of the darkness I'd just left. I was completely enveloped by it, unaware of anything else. Aware only of the presence of Jesus.
They stopped praying. I was stunned. I saw so clearly that I'd been ill, that for years I'd existed in a hell of mental illness. Now I was cured suddenly, miraculously. In a space of a few moments.
I couldn't put words to what had actually taken place, but I knew, I understood, and above all there was hope now. I realised how far my life had been from normal.
For the next few days I moved around in a peaceful haze, stunned, trying to adjust to my new awareness of life, my freedom from mental confusion and torment. I wasn't particularly joyful, I still had too many problems for that perhaps, but I had hope.
Something was still not right though. One night at 3am : Suddenly I realised that even though I had met God, that He had healed me, God was still on the outside. I asked Jesus into my life, I wanted Him on the inside.
I talked simply to Jesus, telling Him that I believe in Him, and wanted to follow Him, so please would he come into my life and put right whatever was wrong. I told Him I needed to know that he was with me and was going to guide me.
Then I became aware of His presence, The knowledge that He was willing to know me and be with me- even though I was such a wreck, such a mess - overwhelmed me.
I knew that I would not be in hospital for life, as the consultant had said, I knew the sick would be made whole. I knew that Jesus cared, that he was giving my life a new direction. I wasn't alone anymore. The pressure had lifted, I was now
"Free To Live"
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